
As I reflect on this quote, I’m reminded of a simple truth: we are always doing our best, but that "best" evolves.
It's so tempting to look back at past decisions with regret, beating ourselves up for not choosing differently or not having more foresight. But in reality, our past decisions were always based on who we were in that moment—our emotional maturity, intellectual understanding, and spiritual growth at that point in time.
It’s so liberating to recognize that our younger selves were navigating life with the knowledge and tools we had then. Whether we were facing challenges in relationships, work, or personal growth, we made decisions with the resources available to us. And while we may now look back and wish we had chosen differently, the truth is, we couldn’t have. We would if we could.
We evolve constantly, and with that evolution comes wisdom. Choices that once seemed right may now feel inadequate because we’ve expanded emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Our brains may easily label our past selves as “wrong,” but doing so is neither accurate nor necessary. We are simply different now. It means we’ve grown—and growth, after all, is the ultimate goal.
Regret vs. Reflection: Choosing Reflection
As we grow, we may be tempted to regret our past decisions or who we once were. Regret can feel helpful, but it carries its own negative energy. A better approach is to reflect rather than regret. It may seem like a small shift in wording, but the emotional impact is significant.
Regret is backward-facing; it keeps us stuck, reliving moments where we believe we fell short. It’s a loop of disappointment that rarely helps us move forward. Regret tells us we should have known better, when the truth is, we couldn’t have. Sometimes, we did know better on an intellectual level, but because of who we were at that time—our emotional state, maturity, or limited self-awareness—we weren’t able to act on that knowledge. We hadn’t yet internalized it or turned it into lived experience. Knowledge alone isn’t enough; it takes time, growth, and emotional readiness to integrate what we know into our actions.
Regret focuses on judgment and blame, creating a negative emotional state, while failing to acknowledge the gap between knowing something and being able to fully live it out.
Reflection, on the other hand, is a forward-facing practice. It invites us to gently examine our past with curiosity and understanding. Reflection asks, What did I learn from this? rather than Why didn’t I do better? It’s a tool that encourages growth and self-awareness without judgment.
When we reflect, we honor where we’ve been and recognize how far we’ve come, using our experiences as fuel for future decisions rather than letting them anchor us in shame. We transmute shame into empowerment, acceptance, resilience, and forgiveness. These qualities take us from a predominantly negative self-talk to a more compassionate and self-supporting one.
Decide to reflect instead of regret.
Reflect on the lessons each version of yourself has taught you. Each decision, whether it led to success or challenge, provided insight that you didn’t have before. Regret holds you back, but reflection moves you forward.
Truthfully, beating ourselves up for past choices is not only unproductive but also unfair to the version of us that was doing their best with what they knew. When we look back with compassion and gratitude, we can see how every version of ourselves—whether naive, confused, or even broken—has contributed to the person we are today.
Decide to practice kindness toward your past selves. Each version of you served a purpose. Each moment of your past was a stepping stone that led you here, to this current version of yourself, who has the tools, wisdom, and awareness you’ve gathered along the way.
At the end of the day, our best is always defined by the current scope of our experience and understanding. As we grow, our "best" naturally changes. It’s not about judging those past decisions but recognizing that they were necessary for us to learn, expand, and ultimately become who we are meant to be.
Imagine how your current life experience might change if you chose to offer gratitude instead of criticism to your past versions. How can this shift create more space for self-compassion, empowerment, and resilience in the present moment?
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